Does Marriage Breed Contempt?
Most people would never marry someone who calls them mean names, or hits them, or has public tantrums right? So why is it when you see couples together who've been married for a few years, a good portion (not all) of them treat each other like shit? Or just one of them is an ass to the other. Why not get a divorce if you think so little of the other person? But if you ask them, they'll tell you they love that person. That's love? The person you just called a dumb ass in front of the cashier at the cigarette shop who you do not know is someone you love? What's her enemies like?
Your spouse is suppose to be the one person on earth you should be able to count on to have your back when trouble arises... would you trust someone who calls you dumb ass, or asshole, in public in front of others? I wouldn't trust that person.
While working yesterday, a customer came running back in, breathless and full of fear in her face. She asks me if by any chance did she leave her purse in the store. I looked around with her, but we found nothing. So she called her husband to let him know it wasn't there, and as she was dialing, I was saying, just to calm down and re-think her places where she went. At that point her husband picks up and all she gets out of her mouth is "it's not here either" when she interrupts herself with "Yay thank you!" and then "yes I know, thank you thank you thank you thank you" and all the while he's telling her off (I can't hear what, but he's yelling it) and she just keeps saying thank you and finally hangs up. She tells me he called the grocery store where she was going next and they have it, and tells me her husbands right, she's a dumb ass for not using her brain. Ummm... don't we all have days where if our heads were not attached we'd forget them too? So he's so perfect he can call her a dumbass? And she buys it... she agrees!
The shoe's on the other foot as well... I have plenty of women who come in and talk about their husbands who don't work and the wives work two jobs, their buying their smokes and his and rushing home to fix "his lazy ass some dinner" scuse me, but if it pisses you off so much why don't you either throw his lazy ass out the door, or tell him when you get home from WORK there had better be dinner on the table waiting for YOU!
Anyone reading this who thinks "Damn, no wonder she isn't married anymore" all I can tell you is, see the above women? Is one of them you? I'm not married for other reasons actually, because I'll be damned if I become someone's slave willingly. Any men reading this and thinking "what's wrong with being waited on?" Go home to your mamas, you don't need a wife, you need a wet nurse.
Since I gave you all those bad scenarios, let me give you a couple of good ones. When I see these types of customers come in, they warm my tainted heart.
An elderly couple come in, and she snaps out the types of cigarettes she wants, and I diligently retrieve them, as she goes wandering off to see what else she may want. Her husband leans over and gives me a conspiratory wink and whispers "she's in a slight bad mood today sweety, it's not you" and she walks back up and snaps "that will be all - unless you want something" she says to her husband. He replies, "nope, I don't think so sweetheart" and pulls out his wallet and pays for her purchases. As I hand him the bag (because he's the one reaching for it) he grabs her hand with his free one and walks to the door, and still manages to open it for them both without letting go of her hand. I watch through the window as they walk hand in hand to their car and he opens the door for her.
A younger couple comes in, he's holding the hand of a three year old, she's got a baby in her arms. She tells me what brand and how much she wants as he goes to get his weekly chew. When he walks back up she asks him if he's sure he wants the large sleeve, or maybe he might want to get the next smaller one since he mentioned he was wanting to cut back. He says "Your right, if it's not there, I wont chew it" so he puts the large one back and grabs the smaller one. And she pulls out her wallet and pays. He grabs the bag, and his three year old's hand and they all walk to the door, and he leans over his wife's shoulder to push the door open for her.
There were no name calling, and both felt in charge, or at least equal to the other, and all 4 had manners and love for each other. I'm sure for the young couple there will be hard times a head, and for the older couple they had their share. But having kept love and respect for each other, and no name calling in public, ensured a strong and healthy relationship for a strong future. Those are the couples I envy, because you can't do it alone. Even if YOU don't call your spouse a name or belittle them in public, if they do, then they are undermining the relationship.
Your spouse is suppose to be the one person on earth you should be able to count on to have your back when trouble arises... would you trust someone who calls you dumb ass, or asshole, in public in front of others? I wouldn't trust that person.
While working yesterday, a customer came running back in, breathless and full of fear in her face. She asks me if by any chance did she leave her purse in the store. I looked around with her, but we found nothing. So she called her husband to let him know it wasn't there, and as she was dialing, I was saying, just to calm down and re-think her places where she went. At that point her husband picks up and all she gets out of her mouth is "it's not here either" when she interrupts herself with "Yay thank you!" and then "yes I know, thank you thank you thank you thank you" and all the while he's telling her off (I can't hear what, but he's yelling it) and she just keeps saying thank you and finally hangs up. She tells me he called the grocery store where she was going next and they have it, and tells me her husbands right, she's a dumb ass for not using her brain. Ummm... don't we all have days where if our heads were not attached we'd forget them too? So he's so perfect he can call her a dumbass? And she buys it... she agrees!
The shoe's on the other foot as well... I have plenty of women who come in and talk about their husbands who don't work and the wives work two jobs, their buying their smokes and his and rushing home to fix "his lazy ass some dinner" scuse me, but if it pisses you off so much why don't you either throw his lazy ass out the door, or tell him when you get home from WORK there had better be dinner on the table waiting for YOU!
Anyone reading this who thinks "Damn, no wonder she isn't married anymore" all I can tell you is, see the above women? Is one of them you? I'm not married for other reasons actually, because I'll be damned if I become someone's slave willingly. Any men reading this and thinking "what's wrong with being waited on?" Go home to your mamas, you don't need a wife, you need a wet nurse.
Since I gave you all those bad scenarios, let me give you a couple of good ones. When I see these types of customers come in, they warm my tainted heart.
An elderly couple come in, and she snaps out the types of cigarettes she wants, and I diligently retrieve them, as she goes wandering off to see what else she may want. Her husband leans over and gives me a conspiratory wink and whispers "she's in a slight bad mood today sweety, it's not you" and she walks back up and snaps "that will be all - unless you want something" she says to her husband. He replies, "nope, I don't think so sweetheart" and pulls out his wallet and pays for her purchases. As I hand him the bag (because he's the one reaching for it) he grabs her hand with his free one and walks to the door, and still manages to open it for them both without letting go of her hand. I watch through the window as they walk hand in hand to their car and he opens the door for her.
A younger couple comes in, he's holding the hand of a three year old, she's got a baby in her arms. She tells me what brand and how much she wants as he goes to get his weekly chew. When he walks back up she asks him if he's sure he wants the large sleeve, or maybe he might want to get the next smaller one since he mentioned he was wanting to cut back. He says "Your right, if it's not there, I wont chew it" so he puts the large one back and grabs the smaller one. And she pulls out her wallet and pays. He grabs the bag, and his three year old's hand and they all walk to the door, and he leans over his wife's shoulder to push the door open for her.
There were no name calling, and both felt in charge, or at least equal to the other, and all 4 had manners and love for each other. I'm sure for the young couple there will be hard times a head, and for the older couple they had their share. But having kept love and respect for each other, and no name calling in public, ensured a strong and healthy relationship for a strong future. Those are the couples I envy, because you can't do it alone. Even if YOU don't call your spouse a name or belittle them in public, if they do, then they are undermining the relationship.
posted by Wench` at 11:22 AM
2 Comments:
Thanks. I was one of those women. And I left. Although I didn't stay for love, but much more complicated reasons like thinking it was in the child's best interests, and dividing marital property, and issues of pride.
Kayten, I think 99% of all women are one of those unless they were lucky enough to have been raised by parents who teach us to be strong and self assured. Most of us are raised to think we are the lesser of the two halves and need to be taken care of. So we end up taking abuse of all sorts until we either get out or die of old age.
Most women are not raised with the words "Get a good education so you can be the main bread winner in your family and not need to lean on anyone" or "Stand up for yourself, believe in yourself, stand by what you say and mean and do not take crap from anyone" IF we were raised that way, we would expect better from our partners.
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