PONDERISMS

Good Morning
Originally uploaded by NC Wench.

I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that most people
die of natural causes.

Does pushing the elevator button more than once make it arrive faster?

Gardening Rule: When weeding, the best way to make sure you are
removing a weed and not a valuable plant is to pull on it. If it comes out
of the ground easily, it is a valuable plant.

The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a
replacement.

Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.

There are two kinds of pedestrians: the quick and the dead.

If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a song about him?

Life is sexually transmitted.

Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.

The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.

Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup?

Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying
of nothing.

Have you noticed since everyone has a camcorder these days no one
talks about seeing UFOs like they used to?

Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again.

All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention
to criticism.

In the 60's & 70's, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world
is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.

How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a
whole box to start a campfire?

Never brag about your children, they'll be caught doing something soon enough to make you eat your words.

Politics is supposed to be the second oldest profession. I have come
to realize that it bears a very close resemblance to the first.